What if you stop worrying about making the right career decision? (and 5 ways to actually make it!).
When you need to make a career decision, do you ever wish that you can see the future? That you can view all the possible outcomes?
Wouldn’t that be awesome to make a decision and feel completely aligned with it? To have that peace of mind of knowing that’s exactly what you should be doing? How would you like that?
So, let me introduce you to Dr. Strange from the Marvel series! (in case you don't know the character):
He’s this superhero that (amongst other awesome things) can see the possibilities of the future. He can see the different future scenarios and calculate the exact probabilities of success vs failure. Imagine if you could do that!
Pretty cool! Right?
And… you know it’s all fiction. No human has the power to see the future.
Let me set the expectations here, I'm not going to reveal to you some secret formula for you to see your future (Sorry! I can do some pretty cool stuff, but this is not within my line of work!).
So, tell me:
Why do we do it? Why do we go in circles in our minds reviewing scenarios and making stories?
Why do we pretend that the more time we spend thinking about the pros and cons/ the backup plans, the more certain we are about the outcomes?
It doesn’t make sense, you know that.
And mind you, I'm not saying, don't do your research or assess your options as long as it helps you to move forward.
What I'm saying is:
If you're overthinking your decision. If you reach a decision only to feel that heaviness on your chest again. And you stay stuck, you procrastinate, or feel overwhelmed, conflicted. It becomes a problem and that’s not helping.
So how can you progress into making the right career decision instead of being trapped in a loop of repetitive, unproductive thoughts?
If you define the right career decision as one that guarantees the best outcome in the future. There’s no way you can reach that.
You know this.
Even if you try and think of all the possible implications, the backup plans, you can't know it all.
It might make you comfortable for a while thinking you covered it all. Till another scenario pops into your head and you start worrying and doubting again.
This is rumination and it's different from reflection.
Rumination is the act of rehearsing your problems over and over. It's seductive. And it's counterproductive.
This is what Nobel prize winner Elizabeth Balckbyn say about rumination in her co-authored book "The Telomere Effect":
" Being caught in rumination is more like getting sucked into a whirlpool that hurtles you through increasingly negative, self-critical thoughts. When you ruminate, you are less effective at solving problems, and you feel much, much worse ."
It is stressful.
The kind of stress that leads to a foggy mind, sleep deprivation.
The kind of stress that reduces your capacity to think effectively.
Would you agree that the first step to moving forward is to avoid the overwhelm, the stress that is not helping?
How can you do so?
I'm suggesting here 5 strategies to get you there:
1. Focus on what you can control.
The thinking is not the problem. It is how you can direct this thinking to be useful for you that you need to be mindful of.
You see, one of the brain's main jobs is to predict the future.
It constantly compares the current situation to past experiences looking for upcoming threats to your safety. That's normal, it's a way to protect you from the pain of disappointment.
And what do you think happens when we start focusing on things that we cannot control? You lose control, right?
You might start feeling powerless because whatever scenarios come to your mind, the outcomes are out of your control. Thinking about backup plans is draining your energy, and you get caught in that loop. You forget that it is completely useless.
You can't dictate what happens in the future, but you can always choose where to place your attention at the moment.
So the best use of your time, of your headspace, and your energy is to direct your focus on what you can control.
Let’s get Practical:
To do so, step back, look at your career situation, and list all the things that are bothering you: your boss, the work politics, your finances….
Write them down, get them out of your head into a piece of paper, and then,
Filter these into two buckets: 1.under my control, 2. not under my control.
Acknowledge that it is pointless to direct your focus on what you can't control. Direct your focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t control ( and .... letting go includes stopping complaining about it:).
Seems obvious? And yet! You will notice that whenever you feel frustrated about a specific situation, it probably is because you're focusing on what you can't control.
Check what you’re focusing on now.
2. Watch your language:
A very practical tip in here is about watching your language!
The language we use is how we communicate with others and also how we communicate with ourselves.
There's the famous internal "self-talk", "self-chatter" that becomes even more present when we need to make a decision.
And there's also the outspoken language. Whenever you speak to someone, the words you use, shape the ideas you're communicating to that person but also what you’re communicating to yourself.
You know how important language is when you negotiate with someone. And what we may forget is that thinking about what decision to make is mostly a process of negotiating with yourself.
There's so much to be said on this topic, the first step is to start watching your language, how it affects you and what it says about what you're focusing on.
Let’s get practical:
Within your internal ( or external dialogue), replace the word BUT with AND.
And… there’s a twist on this one! Do you know it? Add the word YET at the end of your sentence.
Check it here:
- This sounds like a great opportunity but I’m not sure I can manage the change.
- I want to look for something else but I don’t know where to start
Can you notice what happens with using but? Doesn't it feel like finding excuses? Does it feel empowering? Does it invite any action to move forward?
Now let's try this:
- This sounds like a great opportunity and I’m not sure I can manage the change yet.
- I want to look for something else and I don’t know where to start yet.
Can you notice that this is a more objective, accurate depiction of the situation?
And these sentences seem incomplete, right?
They invite action: so what can I do about it? It invites moving forward.
The new reframe opens the space to consider possibilities of what can be done.
3. Make your stress work for you:
And now, a favorite of mine! Ready?
When you have to make an important career decision and you feel stuck, you most probably are feeling a threat of some sort.
A threat of failing, of losing your comfort, your status, of missing out.
That's when you feel "Bad Stress" and your body experiences what scientists label as the “Threat response".
The threat response prepares you to shut down and tolerate the pain. It causes your blood vessels to constrict so that you'll bleed less if you're wounded, but also less blood flows to your brain
And feeling stress is normal and is ok. It means you're involved in life, it means that you care and that you are taking risks. It can even help you progress further as long as you learn how to turn it into "Good stress".
"Good stress" increases your heart rate and more of your blood is oxygenated. More blood flows where it's needed, mainly the heart and brain. It also gives you a shot of cortisol to increase your energy.
While during bad stress, the level of cortisol remains high for a long time, in "good stress" your brain shuts off cortisol secretion when the stressful event is over. This is similar to what you experience when you exercise: a robust, healthy kind of stress.
Can you learn how to get the "good stress"?
Researchers say the answer is yes.
All it takes is reframing the situation to trigger a "challenge-response" instead of a "threat response".
The trick is :
Whenever you start noticing the stress response: increased heart rate and breathing you can choose to label it as excitement and good stress.
When you think about this change, this uncertainty and you notice your increased heartbeat, the muscle tension:
Realize it's good stress that it is energizing you so that you can perform well. Shift the way you view these symptoms. And it's not being delusional, it's true!
If that thought: “This is scary” comes into your head, examine it, is it fear, or is it excitement? Both have the same physiological symptoms. Check if you replace that thought with this is exciting! How does that feel? Is that more accurate?
That's how you consciously move from a thereat response that cripples you to the challenge-response that is associated with making more accurate decisions and doing better on tasks. It is even associated with better brain aging and a reduced risk of developing dementia.
And the next point is going to make it even easier for you to play with these perspective shifts!
4. See beyond the illusion ( reality vs thought):
Do you know what is the secret about the human mind?:
You don't need to believe everything your thoughts tell you.
Read that again.
You're making scenarios in your mind. All the time… Be conscious of it.
We sometimes get carried away by our thoughts, and we buy into our stories. Just pause sometimes and check, is it a thought? Or is it real?.
You have this wonderful gift of imagination, and you can imagine any scenarios we like. They are equally un/real.
So in the absence of absolute knowledge of what will happen, what if we choose the scenario that serves us best?
Would you continue watching a movie that you don't like? or you'd rather play another one that you prefer?
An exercise that you can do:
Notice the " what if", the "but", " I can't", the doubts, any thoughts that you may be ruminating about,
Ask yourself: Is this true? Is this an absolute truth? Do I have all the information required to know this is true? Can I possibly know anything that is to know about this to know it's true?
What do I feel, think, experience, behave and become like when I believe this thought?
If this thought didn't exist, how would I feel, behave and experience this situation?
And change the movie reel :)
5. Ask for support:
A career decision means you’re transitioning.
You're probably out of your comfort zone.
It's your responsibility to upgrade your game, face your current limitations, and ask for support to move on.
You may have been successful so far, and you think you can do it on your own. And maybe you can. The fact is you'll always be facing uncertainty.
And you need to be capable to handle whatever life throws at you.
How different would it be to make your mind and decide on your career move if you knew you couldn't fail?
What would you decide if you know you couldn't fail?
I'm talking here about resilience.
Resilience is not about being strong.
It’s about being flexible, willing to unlearn and learn new things. And use whatever is in your environment to do that.
Whenever it makes sense. Whenever it saves you time and energy. Ask for help. Not from anyone, but from the people who have the expertise or knowledge to give you what you need.
One of the proven pillars of resilience is how well you use the "Support seeking" strategy.
Support seeking is defined by PSI as: " The extent to which an individual is willing to ask others for help and support when dealing with difficult situations".
Whether through having a supportive network, mentoring, or coaching, it's up to you to choose what helps you most.
Reality Check:
So have a look at your network ( and I’m not talking about your friends and family here, they most probably are willing to help but can they? Do they have the capacity, the expertise, and the power to do so?), at the options available for you to support your decision-making process.
And go and ask for that support.
Finally:
The " right" decision cannot be the one that is future-proved. That doesn’t exist.
Accepting it is the first step to making it happen.
What if the right decision is the one you make and feel good about it? The one that fuels you with excitement for what will come next? The one that feels aligned with what you want and what you value now?
And while we can't get the magical power of Dr. Strange, it’s still within the human possibilities to reach this “right” decision. And now you know 5 ways to make it happen for you.
Before I leave you to experiment with these, let’s get some magic advice in!
The One that Dr. Strange got at the beginning of his transformational journey:
“ Might I offer you some advice? Forget everything that you think you know”.
Because it’s when you're open to trying new approaches, to get out of your way that you have now the chance to break the cycle and move forward.
So go on try these 5 strategies and let me know how it goes for you!
(If you like to know more- I talk about this within a different perspective in this audio, you can access it here).